Last night, I surrendered the pen of my life to God again. I know it is not just me, but there's that one point in a person's life when he or she is uncertain of his or her future plans. And with that uncertainty, comes anxiety and worry. Sure, you're going to go to a good College and study hard enough to reach even reach the Dean's List BUT--What's the use of all that anyway? All your toil and effort, just to find a job that pays more than what all your Dad ever earned in his entire life? Money, huh? I didn't use to think like this before. We all didn't.

When we were all kids, we either wanted to become like our role models or had our own dreams and desires.

"When I grow up, I want to be a policeman!" said a little boy trying to imitate a salute. "That way, I can protect all the people I love."

"When I grow up, I want to be a fisherman!" said a young lad wearing a sailor suit. "'Coz I'd sail on those boats all the time and be on the sea with the fishies."

"When I grow up, I want to be an artist! A painter, drawer, sketcher, sculptor, all those things that's involved with art," a little girl said.

A policeman... a fisherman... and an artist. Whatever it may be, do we all end up following our dreams?

I, for one, wanted to be an artist since I was little. When I reached a place called College, I'd take up that course called "Fine Arts" as mommy suggested. So it was okay, I'd made up my mind! Ariane was going to take Fine Arts and become an artist of the future! weee~

Yeah... I was going to take Fine Arts. Was. But then as I grew up, I found out that the occupation of an artist wasn't really that fit for survival in this country called the Philippines. Let's face it, I wouldn't earn enough (and surely not more than what all my Dad ever made in his entire life). It would be difficult and tough. And more importantly, if ever my parents needed financial help, I'd be helpless to do anything. Useless. But on the bright side, I'd have that personal treasure which is the happiness and miracle I experience when I perform the arts~ But that, I'm afraid, cannot be shared to anyone else at all.

With that, I am abandoning this dream as I face the reality of this third-world country and this economy's incorrigible fickleness. There are still other things I can do anyway. So my decision will lie in the next episodes the Lord will write on my lifestory. He has the pen, I surrendered it. It is up to me to be fully listening and reading for his suggestions and inscriptions.

By the way, you can be alive but it doesn't mean that you are truly living.